What your Golf Ball says about you

Titleist – “The number 1 ball in golf”

Last time I checked there were hundreds of different golf ball brands.

Just kidding, why would I look that up?

It’s a huge industry because y’all can’t figure out how to keep your balls out of the water.

Anyways, we all buy… or find… different balls.

And the ball that you play says A LOT about your game.

#1 Titleist

You probably still think you’re going pro.

You normally begin the round with a brand new Pro V, only to resort to some other lower class ball by the end of your round.

Anyone playing a Titleist better have a good golf swing, otherwise, all respect is lost when you shank it straight into the water. What a waste of a $3 a ball.

Shoots around an 84.

#2 Nike

You miss Tiger more than your mother.

You’re the guy that brings up the PGA Tour or Tiger Woods at least three times per round. We get it, you think Tiger will beat Jack’s major record.

Whoever plays Nike balls has no athletic ability, but still thinks they could’ve gone pro in just about any sport, except golf. Full of excuses.

Shoots around an 89.

#3 Callaway

The logo looks like a tee.

You think you’re a really good player, but in reality, you can just hit it further than your partners.

Stop setting up to each shot and trying to swing as hard as Tiger Woods did back in ’99.

Shoots around a 95.

#4 Kirkland’s Signature

Photo by: My Golf Spy

You’re obsessed with GolfWRX or MyGolfSpy.

As soon as a new ball or club is proclaimed “the best” you’re the first one out there to give it a try.

These players are probably teeing off at the opening 6 am tee time on Sunday mornings.

Shoots around a 79.

#5 Srixon

This is basically the foreign version of Titleist.

Plus, you’re a yellow ball kinda guy.

This guy might wear sunglasses or be a female.

Popular quote from Srixon players: “Did you see where my ball went?”

Can’t see scorecard.

#6 Top Flite

In a game filled with money, this is self-proclaiming that you’re dirt poor or you have no idea how to play golf.

This ball sounds like a tin can being hit with a wooden bat. I don’t think a single Top Flite ball has been used on tour since the 1800s.

Can’t break 100.

#7 ProStaff

I’m still not convinced these are sold.

They are only found in the woods.

This guy is constantly playing with a huge dirt stain on his ball, or this is just someone trying to break 130 on the 18th hole. Doesn’t know what the word “handicap” means.

Has never completely kept score.

#8 Taylor Made

For a brand that literally means “Made for You,” they sell the exact same ball and clubs for everyone- never has made any sense to me.

The only people playing TM balls are those who have complete Taylor Made sets. 

Shoots around a 76.

#9 Nitro 


A very desperate golfer.

Searched on Google for the past 8 hours: “How to hit golf ball further.”

Shoots around a 97.

#10 U.S. Kids

You’re either 5 years old or stole these out of your son’s bag.

Shoots around a 132.

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9 thoughts on “What your Golf Ball says about you

  1. I will admit, I do use Titleist as my preferred golf ball. Is it expensive? Yes. Can I break 80? Hell no.

    1. I’ll have to get our statistics team to look into that Taylor Made error.

      Thank you Mr. Tinker.

    1. Great question Michael. First, I would have to question you. Were you playing Bridgestone balls before today? You see, considering Tiger Woods just officially announced he would be playing Bridgestone golf balls there are going to be many die-hard Tiger fanatics switching to Bridgestone. And those people don’t deserve to be mentioned in this column.

      However, there are a few players that have been playing Bridgestone before today. Those players most likely have Bridgestone tires. In fact, it’s a 100% chance they have Bridgestone tires. But I’ll tell you more about this type of player in a follow-up post.

      1. yes I was playing bridgestone balls way before tiger was I was playing the treosoft and the fixx and now the extra soft I have also tried the bridgestone rextar when nick Faldo was using it .

        1. Ahhh, an old time Bridgestone user. Be sure to keep on the look out for the follow-up column.

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